Duo Fixes the VCR
by Starwind
Summary: Duo makes a pathetic attempt at fixing the G-Boy's VCR. Lots of OOC-ness. Started out as an *Nsync fic, so there's a lot of stuff that doesn't apply to Gundam Wing. R&R please!


Duo was heated. He turned from his spot in front of the entertainment center in the back of the bus to face the  
  
men who sat scattered in the makeshift living room.  
  
"It's fucking broken," he shouted. When no one paid him any semblance of attention, he stomped his foot and  
  
shouted again.  
  
"It's broken!"  
  
"Oh well, Trowa said, not looking up from the computer screen in front of him.  
  
"Fuck 'oh well' Trowa. I need it to not be broken. Who used it last," Duo demanded, his face flushed in frustration.  
  
"D. It's not like when the shitter's stopped up—VCR's break all the time. You can't find out who used it last and  
  
blame them," Heero said diplomatically.  
  
"You broke it, huh?" Quatre whispered, leaning in towards Heero who nodded.  
  
"Oh yeah. It went like 'crrrrrnnnkkkk' and I shut it off." Quatre nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"That's the sound Duo makes right before he breaks down," Quatre observed as he returned to his cross-stitch.  
  
  
  
"Fucking Heeeeerrrrrrrrooooooo," Duo whined that award-winning whine he was so proud of. "I got a tape from my friend  
  
and I was really looking forward to watching it and you fucked up my plans.  
  
WuFei stood from the Sit and Spin he had acquired at a yard sale three cities back.  
  
  
  
"A buck fifty for nostalgia. You can't beat that," he told Duo, who had accompanied him to the sale.  
  
"Nostalgia, yeah. Kinda reminds you of that time that buddy of yours invented the wheel, huh?"  
  
  
  
Teen magazines always failed to mention that WuFei held grudges.  
  
  
  
So he approached Duo, who, sensing an attack stood firmly in front of the VCR. They stood facing each other and if asked, Heero would swear that he heard the 'Showdown Whistle' in the background. WuFei and Duo sized each other up; mentally assessing his opponent with narrowed eyes.  
  
Seconds later WuFei moved, reaching to the left with his left arm stretching Duo. In a flash Duo moved,  
  
successfully blocking WuFei's grasp. Just as quickly the smaller man moved to the right, waiting for Duo to stop him in a similar manner. He did and as WuFei smiled evilly he flicked Duo-hard-in the middle of his forehead. As Duo's hands flew to his injury, Chris pushed past the man, ejected the tape and withdrew it from the machine.  
  
  
  
"Duokins's Favorite Full House Episodes, Love Mommy," WuFei read aloud from the label on the cassette. Trowa, Heero, and Quatre joined in his laughter, as Duo stood solid, turning eight shades of red.  
  
  
  
"Shut up Barton," he spat, picking his target. "At least I don't spend all my free time reading fan fiction, you big  
  
loser."  
  
"Hey now," Trowa said angrily, closing his laptop. "There's nothing wrong with fan fics Duo so watch your mouth."  
  
"And there's nothing wrong with Full House. I think that there's a lot that can be learned from the trials and  
  
tribulations of the Tanner clan."  
  
  
  
"Like how an OCD neat freak, a miserable stand up comic who talks like Popeye and a grease monkey live together  
  
in San Francisco, hugging all the time manage to score dates with hot chicks," Heero asked.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, and how to raise 3 girls to 'maturity' yet without any of them ever getting their periods," WuFei added.  
  
  
  
"Oh, and how to deal with the death of family members. Like when Papouli died…that one was so sad," Quatre volunteered not looking up from his needlepoint.  
  
"Yeah, I got that one on tape," Duo said quietly smiling a small, sad smile at the thought of how upset Michelle  
  
got before remembering that he was pissed.  
  
  
  
"Yo, fuck this, I'm fixing the VCR," he announced, unplugging the box and removing it from it's place on the shelf.  
  
He laid it gently on the floor and moved towards his bunk.  
  
Heero flipped through the pages of a Tiger Beat and held a picture up towards WuFei.  
  
"You think I should do this?" WuFei examined the poster of AJ McLean and his new labret stud.  
  
"I think you need a new role model."  
  
  
  
Duo returned to the back area with a small toolbox and a stack of videotapes. He pulled out a Phillips head  
  
screwdriver and went to work, removing the outer casing.  
  
"I need a screw receptacle," he muttered looking around on the floor. "Not a word Chang," he said sharply,  
  
causing WuFei to close his opening mouth.  
  
  
  
Lifting off the cover he gazed into the bowels of the machine; a whispered 'shit' escaped in his breath.  
  
"Duo, we'll just get a new one at the next city," Quatre said, placing down he hoop which held a baby blue swath  
  
of fabric emblazoned with a stitched red heart complete with the tiny white X's that spelled out the word 'MOM'.  
  
"Quatre, I can do this. I know about this stuff," Duo said, gazing at the small but shiny parts of the VCR.  
  
"Watching The Electric Company doesn't make you an electrician," WuFei pointed out.  
  
"And being a Gundam Pilot doesn't make you cute," Duo answered. "Now shut the hell up."  
  
  
  
He peered at the mechanical box and noticed a small metal cover hiding the part of the VCR he needed to work  
  
on. So he unscrewed that as well, using his sneaker as a 'screw receptacle'.  
  
"Okay," he said, rubbing his hands together. "Trowa, plug this in. I need to see how it works." Duo tossed the cord  
  
to Trowa who uncomfortably leaned far over in his seat to plug the VCR into his power strip. While Trowa's attempt at  
  
chair acrobatics took place, Justin rummaged through his pile of videos.  
  
"Hmmmm… maybe. Nope. Hell no!" He assessed each tape and caught Heero's attention with his last rating.  
  
  
  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"I need a test tape. Something that I won't be too upset about if it should happen to get eaten."  
  
"Well, what was that last one? The 'hell no'?" Duo motioned for Heero to move in.  
  
"It's a tape of Before They Were Rock Stars; the one with Trowa's Mickey Mouse Club audition on it. I like watching it  
  
when he gets on my nerves. Kinda keeps me grounded, ya know, because I watch it, and feel really bad for that  
  
little geek." Heero pursed his lips and 'hmmmm'ed'.  
  
  
  
"Let me borrow that some time."  
  
"Fuck you!" Trowa screamed. Heero and Duo turned towards him, fearful that their friend had heard them.  
  
  
  
"What's wrong now Trowa," Quatre asked, not caring about anything that didn't involve his needle getting threaded.  
  
"She…she. Ugh, she fucking left me." Heero and Duo exchanged puzzled glances.  
  
"Who left you?"  
  
"Daisy. She caught me kissing her twin sister Rose and left me. But Rose kissed me! I swear, I didn't do anything  
  
wrong." Trowa became noticeably upset and hung his head in his hands.  
  
"WHY do you READ that stuff?" Heero screeched, fearing for the sanity of his friend.  
  
"Dude, they're triplets and you're dating the third sister, Ivy."  
  
  
  
"They hot?"  
  
  
  
In the end Duo decided on his Austin Powers tape because really, if he never heard Heero say "London baby,  
  
Yeah!" again, it'd be too soon. He slid the cassette into the slot and watched in amazement as the small bars  
  
hooked under the tape to pull it around a large round piece in the middle. Gears and small tiny belts began moving,  
  
the hum on an unseen motor filled his heart with excitement.  
  
"Hey, I think I've figured it out. And it's wor—" he stated before the hum wound down and the VCR shut itself off.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
  
  
"Figure out the problem yet Mr. … uh…Electronic Guy," WuFei said lamely, unable to find a suitable taunt for Duo.  
  
"Not yet," he answered.  
  
"Oh dear god why," Trowa spoke, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.  
  
"Look Trowa, I'm making this look way easier than it is and if you think you can do better—"  
  
"Are you talking to me Duo?" Trowa asked, finally tuning in to Duo's rant.  
  
"DUH Trowa! I was answering you because you asked 'why."  
  
Duo's head began to throb.  
  
"Oh. I, I wasn't talking to you. I was just, well, now all of a sudden I'm in a coma and Daisy's singing to me to try  
  
to bring me back but I just won't wake up," Trowa said, his voice clenching with emotion. Duo rolled his eyes and  
  
yet again returned to the task at hand.  
  
  
  
That damn VCR.  
  
  
  
He saw that the peg-things that wrapped the tape around didn't move all the way.  
  
"Oh my god, I've figured it out! Maybe this can-doohickey will…YES! That's it." Duo moved the small part aside  
  
and pushed the cassette pegs further back, to where they were supposed to be.  
  
He quickly turned the power on, ejected the tape, and pushed it back in. As he watched the tape pullers get  
  
stuck, Duo pushed aside the restricting piece and eagerly looked at the counter after pressing 'Play'. The  
  
humming filled the air. Duo smiled a cocky sort of smile that quickly fell as the machine shut itself off again.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
  
  
This time, Duo thought, I'll watch the other side, see if everything is okay there. He ejected and injected the  
  
tape as he did earlier, but focused now on the small wheels held together by an elastic band, and the three gears  
  
that moved underneath. There was an aqua colored 'stuff' between the rubber band wheel and the gray thing that  
  
Duo had determined to be a battery.  
  
"Hmmm…wonder if that should be there?" He repeated the eject/inject/Play process and concentrated on the  
  
gears.  
  
  
  
This time, when the VCR turned itself off he was watching the 'stuff.'  
  
  
  
"Somebody put fucking GUM in the VCR!"  
  
WuFei crawled over to where Duo was seated and looked inside the VCR.  
  
"Asshole, that's not gum, just look at the color. And how would it get all the way back there if it were gum? And  
  
we're not toddlers so why would we put gum in the VCR?"  
  
"I dunno." Justin chewed on his lower lip. "Well," he began slowly. "You rented that movie 'Shampoo' a while ago,  
  
and it kinda looks like Quatre's dandruff shampoo…"  
  
"Hey!" Quatre yelled, momentarily stepping out of his 'Bitchin' Stitchin' Zone.'  
  
  
  
"You really are an idiot Duo. That's not shampoo," WuFei laughed. Duo crossed his arms and narrowed his mouth  
  
into the scowl he'd been perfecting since infancy.  
  
"Then what the hell is it, smartass?"  
  
"It's goo," WuFei answered matter-of-fact-ly.  
  
"Goo, eh? Trowa unplug the VCR, I need some supplies." Duo stood and ran into the bathroom, returning with a roll  
  
of toilet paper and some Q-Tips. He stuck a swab into the VCR and wiped at the goo. Holding it up to the light, he  
  
examined it like a Doctor would a patient.  
  
"Yup. It's goo all right. Here WuFei, smell it," he said, thrusting the Q- Tip into the older man's face.  
  
  
  
"Shit for Brains, I'm not smelling THAT," WuFei yelled, pushing Duo and the goo swab away from him. "You want  
  
to know what it is, YOU smell it."  
  
  
  
"I'll have none of that. But see, the goo is clogging up the gears. If the gears stop, then the tape won't play,"  
  
Duo explained as if he really knew what he was talking about.  
  
  
  
"Then why does it shut itself off?" Heero asked.  
  
"I dunno. Maybe it's tired." Duo ignored the looks of malcontent from his friends and attacked the goo with the  
  
Q-Tips. When he felt he was done he sat amidst 34 aqua colored swabs and proceeded to test the VCR. He  
  
watched expectantly as he pressed the Power button.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
When we left our fearless heroes... Quatre was cross stitching something. Trowa was reading a really bad  
  
Fan Fic. Heero was reading Teeny Mags 'for research' WuFei was playing Doctor Obvious. And Duo...  
  
Shit, he thought. At this point Duo felt that he had to fix the damn thing. He imagined briefly the smug look of  
  
self-satisfaction he'd shoot his friends. 'Duo' they'd say. 'You are smarter than we ever gave you credit for. I  
  
can't believe you fixed the VCR.' 'I can't believe you doubted me,' he'd say, admiring his handiwork and the VCR  
  
played his Full House tape.  
  
"Duo," Heero interrupted his thoughts. "You might want to plug the VCR back in."  
  
"I was getting to that. Trowa, plug the VCR back in." Groaning, Trowa leaned over—again-- and plugged up the outlet.  
  
"Goddamnit!" Duo yelled as he watched the gears move and get stuck.  
  
"You have a surplus of goo here. That's your problem."  
  
"Trowa, unplug it."  
  
And so Duo sat, ten minutes later, surrounded by 117 aqua colored swabs and a tiny flat head screwdriver  
  
wrapped in toilet paper because, "can't they make these freaking Q-Tips any smaller?"  
  
The throbbing in Duo's head grew.  
  
But finally he had gotten the goo out. All of it. He'd better have or so help him god…  
  
"Trowa plug it in."  
  
"Duo, I'm in the middle of something, do it yourself," Trowa growled.  
  
"Damnit Trowa just do it! Your story will still be there," Duo argued.  
  
Trowa sighed. "But you don't understand. Kevin just found out he has HIV."  
  
"Now you're reading Backstreet Boys stories?" WuFei screamed, throwing his hands up in the air.  
  
"Shut the hell up WuFei, it's a beautifully poignant tale of love and friendship," Trowa said as he leaned over and  
  
plugged in the VCR.  
  
"Un-fucking-believable," WuFei muttered.  
  
Duo watched as everything he 'fixed' ran the way it was supposed to. He moved the tape thingy so the black  
  
cassette tape could wind completely around the round thing. He smiled as the newly goo-free gears circled.  
  
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh-----Hissssssssssssssss…clik.  
  
The gears stopped. The VCR shut off.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
"Maybe the goo was supposed to be there," Quatre suggested.  
  
"Maybe you should keep your shampoo out of the VCR and shut your mouth Betsy Ross!"  
  
WuFei chuckled. "Betsy Ross. Good one." A death glare from Duo stopped his giggles.  
  
"Not funny WuFei," Duo said, peering into the VCR. "I bet if I had a flashlight I could fix this," he thought out  
  
loud.  
  
"If you had an IQ of 354 you couldn't fix it," Heero said nonchalantly from behind the pages of Marie Claire.  
  
"Hey! I think I've figured it out. Shit, yes. I've got it," Duo exclaimed.  
  
"Well, don't give it to me," WuFei deadpanned. Duo ignored him and talked frantically to no one in particular.  
  
"See, this spring here isn't springing the way it's supposed to. It's supposed to stretch and spring but this dealy  
  
here isn't letting it spring because..." Duo traced a slim, gray wire along the back of the VCR and  
  
followed it as it split into a tiny fuse.  
  
"The fuse is busted. All I gotta do is unplug it and plug it back in. Trowa?"  
  
Trowa looked at Duo, tears filling his eyes. "No Justin. I am reading my story. I am not going to be your plug bitch  
  
anymore."  
  
WuFei and Heero laughed. Hard.  
  
Duo motioned to the VCR in his lap and shot a pleading look at the older man.  
  
"No dice Duo. I'm reading."  
  
"Fine," Duo pouted. "If I get electrocuted then it'll be on your head." "That's something I'm prepared to deal  
  
with."  
  
So Duo, with needle-nosed pliers in hand, attacked the fuse, in an attempt to free the fuse from where it  
  
appeared to be welded in. A small zap sound was heard and he jerked his hand free.  
  
"Shit. Fuck…Ouch!" Silence.  
  
"You guys don't fucking care! I could've really been electrocuted and y'all just would've sat there, not caring,"  
  
Duo yelled.  
  
"Duo, had you really been electrocuted, we would've smelled your brain frying."  
  
Good point, Duo thought, not wanting to tempt fate by playing 'Electrocuted' again.  
  
Later there'd be time for payback. But right now he had a fuse to fix.  
  
Re-grabbing the pliers, he picked up where he had left off; clumsily prying the fuse out. Duo silently wished for a  
  
flashlight and thought about asking Trowa if he could borrow his silver, sequined shirt—not the one from the concert,  
  
but the one he wore out to clubs—so he could reflect the bus light into the VCR. He was about to open his mouth  
  
to ask when he heard a small clik.  
  
He had gotten the fuse free. Now all he had to do was plug it back in and voila! Lowering his head to the small  
  
fuse, he blew air into the small holes.  
  
"Duo, why the hell are you doing that?" WuFei had been watching Duo because since MacGuyver Jr. unplugged  
  
the TV and VCR without bothering to set up the TV, WuFei had nothing to do. He also reasoned that no matter how  
  
many channels they had, no TV show WuFei found would be as amusing as this.  
  
"I'm blowing into it. You know, like you do to a Nintendo game."  
  
Nope. Nothing quite like this.  
  
WuFei watched as Duo expertly plugged the fuse back into its proper place.  
  
"And now for the spring. C'mere you little…oops."  
  
"Oops," WuFei asked.  
  
"Did I say 'oops?' I meant sweet, I've figured it out. Ha ha, ho ho, hrmm," Duo chuckled before trailing off,  
  
furrowing his brow.  
  
"You broke it, didn't you," WuFei baited.  
  
"Did not. I mean, it was broke before. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? Well, if it's broke, fix it."  
  
"No Duo. If it's broke you take it to an electrician. Now quit playing around before you kill yourself."  
  
"I am fixing it WuFei. I'm sure that spring was optional anyway. Let's see."  
  
Eject.  
  
Inject.  
  
Play.  
  
Whrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…clik.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
"Duo," WuFei scolded.  
  
"No wait, I know what's wrong." WuFei raised his eyes. "No seriously. Let me try one more thing." Sighing, WuFei sat  
  
back and wondered how many solo's he'd get once Justin had fried himself.  
  
Duo picked the VCR up from off his lap and began shaking it. "STUPID MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER PIECE  
  
OF SHIT VCR Why won't you work? Are you TOO FUCKING GOOD to do you job? Well, GO BLOW YOURSELF YOU  
  
FUCK-KNOT AND WORK DAMN YOU!" He accented his stream of profanities with a series of sharp, violent  
  
shakes, and punches. Four pairs of eyes were on Duo as he finished his rant, and calmly placed the VCR down,  
  
ejected and then injected the tape again and hit Play.  
  
The small engine stirred and whirred…and kept going.  
  
On the front of the VCR, the LCD numbers began counting up.  
  
"Holy shit, he fixed it. Fucking Duo fixed the VCR," WuFei said, not believing his own words.  
  
Here's the part where they kiss my ass and tell me how great I am.  
  
"Duo, plug the thing back in for the love of god," Heero barked. "I'm done with my magazines."  
  
Leaving the VCR opened and exposed, he stopped and ejected the tape in order to return his fallen adversary to  
  
its spot on the shelf.  
  
All wires in place, Duo popped in his Full House tape and sat back on the couch, his smile filling his face; his head  
  
free from aching. On the screen the familiar song began.  
  
"Whatever happened to predict-dict---durrrrrrrr—abillll--- lehhhhh—teeeeeeee.  
  
Whrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr clik-cuk clik-cuk whiiiiiiiiiiii  
  
Smoke poured out of the VCR as Duo scrambled to his feet. The black box began shaking and instinctively he  
  
ducked, just as his friends did behind him. The cassette shot out of the VCR, unraveling and hit the back wall just  
  
over Quatre's head. It then ricocheted off the wall up towards the ceiling and fell defiantly at Duo's feet, leaving  
  
a trail of cassette ribbon destruction behind it.  
  
Smoke continued to spill from the VCR's mouth as well from the mangled tape in front of him. Cautiously, Duo  
  
looked around the room—at the yards of video tape draped along the wall, and Heero—and smiled at his friends.  
  
"I'm pretty sure that spring wasn't optional," WuFei said.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
Trowa looked up from his screen and down at the power strip at his feet.  
  
"I am NOT unplugging that."  
  
Duo's headache returned. 


End file.
